when you have a disabled child you get used to all kinds of acronymns, new terms and forms - SEN, SENCO, DLA, CA, blue badge, statement of needs, etc.
and you get used to seeing your child's problems laid out in black and white.
in the beginning it hurts, a lot....you re-read and re-read - is this correct? you dont want to know the truth...
as time goes by it hurts less, you know he has those "severe learning difficulties", "autism", "abnormal brain MRI", etc... certainly as time has gone by the reports on my son's needs are more about getting the right help than a damning blow and realization...I want and need them to say the reality.
the S7 (section 7) report sets out to the court the background to our case and the family history and recent incidents. this one hurts. i flinch when reading as i flinched at the time when he put his fist through the door, and reel at the bit where the girls run terrified into the garden, one pooing in her pants because she is scared to come in to the toilet.
with my son there was not much I could do to prevent the reports setting out his needs and difficulties....it was the truth.....in this case I can see opportunities where I could have done more, could have moved sooner, could have seen his lack of responsibility.
but in the same way that, given a child with special needs you "get on with it" and enjoy the good moments, glossing over the bad, there was an element of denial, of denying the bad times, because in classic "cycle of abuse" (see
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/dynamics.htm )style they were previously matched by ok or good times or attempts to make amends.... or simply that I could not face up to the reality of what someone, a father, could do...or made excuses as he did, his depression, etc.
no child should ever be terrified of their parents' behaviour...whatever the "excuse" is.
how did we get to a point where his own children express doubts at seeing him and certainly want to be safe if they do?
This report - like other reports that have helped my son get the education and support he needs - will help to move forward and focus on the reality.
I am not prepared to expose my children to unnecessary risks...it is about agreeing to supervised contact in a proper contact centre staffed by trained professionals or none.
