bald patches increasing in size on Ix's head...GP referring to dermatologist...probably "alopecia arreata"...will take a year to recover (or not?)...hey ho.
"my mum's friend had this and put garlic paste on her head - after a year the hair grew back..." hmm evidence seems to be that you have to wait a year for it to recover...so dont think will be applying the garlic just yet!
but in the scheme of things, well, he is a boy and what does it matter? if he goes completely bald...well, could be an issue getting him to wear a hat to protect his head. but we shall see.
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
more car issues!
driving to school, blue van pulls out in front of me...he loses his bumper, i get a dented wing...but we still get to school on time.
a few days later and its apparently £900 for insurer - while the scratched door i asked for estimate as optional extra would be £600 - so will remain scratched...
but we have a nice hire car in the meantime. which plays CDs not tapes! which means "pitufos"...rather than Queen's greatest hits....oh well..took a while to get used to gears again after automatic. car should be repaired by 23 December (snow and parts permitting).
meanwhile mobile phone dies....is also in repair with new hand set to cover. realise contacts were stored on phone not SIM card. and the back up of contacts is on the broken laptop... aargh... need some time to extract from its hard disc...
end of term feeling, the children all finish on Friday but I don't stop work til 4 pm on the 24th, hmph. but ocado.com delivery is booked for 23rd, so all should be fine....
a few days later and its apparently £900 for insurer - while the scratched door i asked for estimate as optional extra would be £600 - so will remain scratched...
but we have a nice hire car in the meantime. which plays CDs not tapes! which means "pitufos"...rather than Queen's greatest hits....oh well..took a while to get used to gears again after automatic. car should be repaired by 23 December (snow and parts permitting).
meanwhile mobile phone dies....is also in repair with new hand set to cover. realise contacts were stored on phone not SIM card. and the back up of contacts is on the broken laptop... aargh... need some time to extract from its hard disc...
end of term feeling, the children all finish on Friday but I don't stop work til 4 pm on the 24th, hmph. but ocado.com delivery is booked for 23rd, so all should be fine....
Sunday, 6 December 2009
minor irritations as Xmas excitement mounts
Friday morning, out to car for school run - eh? glass on floor, rear small window smashed... oh dear - teen gangs? it will be breezy but we neeed to go. will sort later with insurance.
hang on check glove compartment - dang, the sat nav is gone...
G: "you can buy a new one mummy".
sensible at 7.
absolutely, objects are replaceable.... the glass will be repaired.
this is big news; they rush to tell their school mates! guess what happened...
(realise that I am hopefully teaching them: for some irritations there are solutions, keep calm and carry on...rather than the catastrophic response the Ex would have given).
weekend homework: four sentences on "the festive season":
we put up the Christmas tree (tick, done! bought from street vendor on way home on Friday, much excitement from all, Ix restrained with decorations, only pulling off the tinsel three or four times...he finds Dora the Explorer and Santa on youtube and blasts us with "feliz navidad!" 100 times...)
we give cards and presents to family and friends (behind on those but have some family gifts ready)
we will have Christmas meal with the family (big meal next weekend, my turn to host the siblings and families pre-Xmas Xmas meal and gift exchange, girls very excited, planning the seating arrangements etc)
we go to lots of Christmas fairs and parties (one party, tick, one Christmas fair, tick, one Christmas fair (Brownies) this coming week...and more to follow...)
lists posted to Santa.... feeling relaxed....
I have got someone in place to take kids to the Ex on Christmas Eve so technically speaking they can have Christmas with him then... if he turns up/becomes capable.
if not I think we will make up for it ourselves.
they are realising that he is unreliable, but life goes on and they "can't wait for Christmas!"
hang on check glove compartment - dang, the sat nav is gone...
G: "you can buy a new one mummy".
sensible at 7.
absolutely, objects are replaceable.... the glass will be repaired.
this is big news; they rush to tell their school mates! guess what happened...
(realise that I am hopefully teaching them: for some irritations there are solutions, keep calm and carry on...rather than the catastrophic response the Ex would have given).
weekend homework: four sentences on "the festive season":
we put up the Christmas tree (tick, done! bought from street vendor on way home on Friday, much excitement from all, Ix restrained with decorations, only pulling off the tinsel three or four times...he finds Dora the Explorer and Santa on youtube and blasts us with "feliz navidad!" 100 times...)
we give cards and presents to family and friends (behind on those but have some family gifts ready)
we will have Christmas meal with the family (big meal next weekend, my turn to host the siblings and families pre-Xmas Xmas meal and gift exchange, girls very excited, planning the seating arrangements etc)
we go to lots of Christmas fairs and parties (one party, tick, one Christmas fair, tick, one Christmas fair (Brownies) this coming week...and more to follow...)
lists posted to Santa.... feeling relaxed....
I have got someone in place to take kids to the Ex on Christmas Eve so technically speaking they can have Christmas with him then... if he turns up/becomes capable.
if not I think we will make up for it ourselves.
they are realising that he is unreliable, but life goes on and they "can't wait for Christmas!"
"don't you understand?"
"that I am on anti-depressants "
which is apparently a good reason for making contact at 6.20 pm for a 6 pm mid-week contact session with your own children, and justification as to why you cannot have your own children in your own flat and provide them with simple food cooked on your own cooker?
G wants to buy her dad an Xmas present. i say of course, what should we get? she says: a computer. I say, too expensive but mabe a computer accessory..
L says: we should buy him "cooking for dummies".
"don't you understand?"..."that you and our children are my entire life?"
ok, first the "you". I began telling him by email/text (he was in Spain) at end of 2007 it was "over"...in person from end Dec 2007 thu Jan, Feb, March 2008...in front of witnesses eg family therapists (they thought i wasn't clear enough) etc..I physically moved out of the joint home in April 2008 with the kids...
refer here to Lundy Bancroft - risk of someone who has been abusive harming their children on contacts: risk factor j: "Refusal to accept the end of the relationship"
second - the children.
see inability to provide for them/turn up on time for contact above.
He did not turn up for last court hearing so judge was happy to make a final order in his absence - of residence in my favour, plus less contact - she felt he would handle it better - going for the standard once mid-week after school evening plus alternate weekends - supervised "by an appropriate adult".
midweeks Ix's after school carer is in place. (but really he has to make contact before the allocated time to confirm...if not we just start making their dinner at home and he misses the chance...)
weekends he has to find someone, except Sat morning when Ix has carer in place.
Saturday we were all going to Ix's school fair with Ix's carer so he didnt need to find anyone in order to see the girls and Ix. I figured i could loiter at a distance while he communicated with his children...
Ix and carer arrived early - but no news despite the fact she called and texted him. Ix disappointed, had been expecting to see him. We turn up later - still no sign.
never mind! we win prizes on the tombola, chat with some parents, eat mince pies and guess the wieght of the cake and where the treausre is hidden....
sunday his day from 11.00 am...we hear nothing.
get on with life, cake making, cake decorating....
i put plastic crate in shed and tidy up, pondering by midday how to word email to his neighbour on monday in a kind of "can you just let me know if he is alive nothing more" kind of way...phone rings 1.20 p.m. (must get calller display)
me: oh it's dad do you want to talk to him?
kids: no not really...
Ex: can i talk to you please?
me: what?
Ex: can I come round to yours? just spend some time...
me: no, you cannot. you have your own place.
Ex: but I am not capable I cannot cope...
me: you know the deal. you need to organize yourself.
Ex: but I...
me: sorry have to go, bye.
later more text messages - dont you understand... imagine not being supported by the ones you love when you at your worst...if things were wrong you should have told me... bla bla bla..
the only response is: www.drw.org.uk - heck, it might even help him!
which is apparently a good reason for making contact at 6.20 pm for a 6 pm mid-week contact session with your own children, and justification as to why you cannot have your own children in your own flat and provide them with simple food cooked on your own cooker?
G wants to buy her dad an Xmas present. i say of course, what should we get? she says: a computer. I say, too expensive but mabe a computer accessory..
L says: we should buy him "cooking for dummies".
"don't you understand?"..."that you and our children are my entire life?"
ok, first the "you". I began telling him by email/text (he was in Spain) at end of 2007 it was "over"...in person from end Dec 2007 thu Jan, Feb, March 2008...in front of witnesses eg family therapists (they thought i wasn't clear enough) etc..I physically moved out of the joint home in April 2008 with the kids...
refer here to Lundy Bancroft - risk of someone who has been abusive harming their children on contacts: risk factor j: "Refusal to accept the end of the relationship"
second - the children.
see inability to provide for them/turn up on time for contact above.
He did not turn up for last court hearing so judge was happy to make a final order in his absence - of residence in my favour, plus less contact - she felt he would handle it better - going for the standard once mid-week after school evening plus alternate weekends - supervised "by an appropriate adult".
midweeks Ix's after school carer is in place. (but really he has to make contact before the allocated time to confirm...if not we just start making their dinner at home and he misses the chance...)
weekends he has to find someone, except Sat morning when Ix has carer in place.
Saturday we were all going to Ix's school fair with Ix's carer so he didnt need to find anyone in order to see the girls and Ix. I figured i could loiter at a distance while he communicated with his children...
Ix and carer arrived early - but no news despite the fact she called and texted him. Ix disappointed, had been expecting to see him. We turn up later - still no sign.
never mind! we win prizes on the tombola, chat with some parents, eat mince pies and guess the wieght of the cake and where the treausre is hidden....
sunday his day from 11.00 am...we hear nothing.
get on with life, cake making, cake decorating....
i put plastic crate in shed and tidy up, pondering by midday how to word email to his neighbour on monday in a kind of "can you just let me know if he is alive nothing more" kind of way...phone rings 1.20 p.m. (must get calller display)
me: oh it's dad do you want to talk to him?
kids: no not really...
Ex: can i talk to you please?
me: what?
Ex: can I come round to yours? just spend some time...
me: no, you cannot. you have your own place.
Ex: but I am not capable I cannot cope...
me: you know the deal. you need to organize yourself.
Ex: but I...
me: sorry have to go, bye.
later more text messages - dont you understand... imagine not being supported by the ones you love when you at your worst...if things were wrong you should have told me... bla bla bla..
the only response is: www.drw.org.uk - heck, it might even help him!
Sunday, 29 November 2009
the countdown begins....
reindeer at the Christmas fair
L's friend's birthday party - with a Christmas theme.
dropped L and g off at party, at 5 p.m., took Ix down to Notting Hill Gate bookshop then Nando's - returned in the rain to party. had his DVD player ready which he did watch - but also enjoyed touching the blow up santa and listening (and moving grooving to) the disco songs. especially specially-requested YMCA.
one 7 yr old was particularly interested in him and why couldnt he talk? explained about wonky brains...
but with lots of kids running around it was fine - when much younger the idea of taking him to a big noisy bright party would have been more difficult - now so long as he has communication system, DVD player and food he is fine...
a great party - the 8 pm finish turned into 9.15 p.m.!
Sunday a couple hours to clean and tidy up with Ix out with his new student befrienders, then we go to Natural History Museum to meet friends who have got tickets to see Night at the Museum 2 - Ix sits some of it out with Horrid Henry but girls enjoy it.
out in the rain, watch the ice skaters, bus to Picadilly circus and up thru the Christmas lights home...creating Christmas memories...
Sunday, 15 November 2009
did do/didn't do
weekend. Ix at respite. so things to do....girls should be with their dad for several hours Sat/Sun... tidying, take stuff to charity shop (Ix is growing growing), call laptop helpline to fix it, buy blade to shave off bottom of front door as it sticks and requires large shove to close (DIY before calling landlady). rake leaves if not raining (build in some exercise). read a book. relax....
so Friday - girls being picked up by friend. go home, pick up Ix, drive to respite, go to meet friends and we all go their local Chinese. no need to rush back for Ix's carer...or take along DVD player/entertainment. respite is just that.
home.
message from their dad - but not about arrangements for tomorrow. he is "sorry for everything i have said or done you can forgive and love".
i have had bank statement for the still-joint account in post so the only thing i can think of to say back is that "the bank account is still £2,000 overdrawn..."
so saturday dawns with a well-you-should-be-seeing-your-dad-but-if-he-does-not-get-in-touch-never-mind...
he does not.
we do music class then dash thru rain to Next for coat for G and Borders book shop to spend book tokens from Aunt E given at beginning of term, Starbucks and home.
out to cinema to see Up. film breaks down in middle - tho restarts - but we get free tickets for next time.
home, X factor...good sleep til 10. ah bliss.
rain has stopped. rake leaves. tick.
off to pick up Ix, via Aldenham park; Ix is happy, we go to Shenley Park tea room and walk. nice autumn day again after yesterday's rain. people are overwhelmingly nice today, bringing their dog for him to stroke etc. actually, mostly people ARE nice.
home, cooking, put washing on, X factor results.
forgot about door - no trip out to Robert Dyas, no new blade....hang on, I remember the sooper-dooper cut everything knife - the man in House of Fraser demo: cutting tomatoes, melons, sawing metal.... that is why I bought it...so I lay on floor shaving off bits of door til it shuts smoothly. Ha. job done. tick.
so - wasn't quite as planned but we had nice weekend, doing things together with girls.
still, is frustrating.
it should not be you might be/you might not be seeing him...
ExP has declined to attend facilitated family meeting, on grounds there is "no point" - it will reiterate that "I" am "winning - "your way: no father no family".
stuck...he is their father.
we cannot be together, it is over.
but he can see his kids, show them he is trustworthy, regain confidence....up to him...
L in conversation with friend:
Friend: "my dad is going to Dubai for 10 weeks and I won't see him!"
L:"well I don't even live with my dad"
so, who won that round?
so Friday - girls being picked up by friend. go home, pick up Ix, drive to respite, go to meet friends and we all go their local Chinese. no need to rush back for Ix's carer...or take along DVD player/entertainment. respite is just that.
home.
message from their dad - but not about arrangements for tomorrow. he is "sorry for everything i have said or done you can forgive and love".
i have had bank statement for the still-joint account in post so the only thing i can think of to say back is that "the bank account is still £2,000 overdrawn..."
so saturday dawns with a well-you-should-be-seeing-your-dad-but-if-he-does-not-get-in-touch-never-mind...
he does not.
we do music class then dash thru rain to Next for coat for G and Borders book shop to spend book tokens from Aunt E given at beginning of term, Starbucks and home.
out to cinema to see Up. film breaks down in middle - tho restarts - but we get free tickets for next time.
home, X factor...good sleep til 10. ah bliss.
rain has stopped. rake leaves. tick.
off to pick up Ix, via Aldenham park; Ix is happy, we go to Shenley Park tea room and walk. nice autumn day again after yesterday's rain. people are overwhelmingly nice today, bringing their dog for him to stroke etc. actually, mostly people ARE nice.
home, cooking, put washing on, X factor results.
forgot about door - no trip out to Robert Dyas, no new blade....hang on, I remember the sooper-dooper cut everything knife - the man in House of Fraser demo: cutting tomatoes, melons, sawing metal.... that is why I bought it...so I lay on floor shaving off bits of door til it shuts smoothly. Ha. job done. tick.
so - wasn't quite as planned but we had nice weekend, doing things together with girls.
still, is frustrating.
it should not be you might be/you might not be seeing him...
ExP has declined to attend facilitated family meeting, on grounds there is "no point" - it will reiterate that "I" am "winning - "your way: no father no family".
stuck...he is their father.
we cannot be together, it is over.
but he can see his kids, show them he is trustworthy, regain confidence....up to him...
L in conversation with friend:
Friend: "my dad is going to Dubai for 10 weeks and I won't see him!"
L:"well I don't even live with my dad"
so, who won that round?
Monday, 9 November 2009
autumn....
autmn in the park...
and more importantly, seeing Aunty M's nissan micra
far more important than the new arrival
tho he was very proud to tell everyone on Monday about seeing the baby.
as well as reminding them that "M has a purple nissan micra".
(after ExP disappeared from view from Sunday evening text msg, missed contact tues, didnt respond to G's voice mail...rang a few people, all who said they had tried to contact with no response. called police to check on him. they said he was "fine"....he finally reappeared thurs at 6 pm contact time . girls refused to go at short notice. well he had let them down tues....saturday he saw Ix for lunch, but had no one available to supervise sunday. so we were able to go off to see Aunty M with no worries.... see what happens next! .sends text messages - his life is "horrific" he just misses his "family life" he "had before". it aint on offer - but will he ever get that? oh well court hearing soon....
and more importantly, seeing Aunty M's nissan micra
far more important than the new arrival
tho he was very proud to tell everyone on Monday about seeing the baby.
as well as reminding them that "M has a purple nissan micra".
(after ExP disappeared from view from Sunday evening text msg, missed contact tues, didnt respond to G's voice mail...rang a few people, all who said they had tried to contact with no response. called police to check on him. they said he was "fine"....he finally reappeared thurs at 6 pm contact time . girls refused to go at short notice. well he had let them down tues....saturday he saw Ix for lunch, but had no one available to supervise sunday. so we were able to go off to see Aunty M with no worries.... see what happens next! .sends text messages - his life is "horrific" he just misses his "family life" he "had before". it aint on offer - but will he ever get that? oh well court hearing soon....
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