the up phase of "depression"

Ex appears to be in an "up" phase. calmer...kids have noticed: "i think he is improved" says G.

they saying they happy to go to his place unaccompanied, in fact they have stayed for 40 minutes/an hour with him alone - tho only after carer has taken them to him and satistfied they happy and playing; and has been to pick them up afterwards and bring them home at the appointed time. they have not wanted to stay beyond that time, despite him asking them to do so.

he has cooked dinner for them several times.

he has organized with his friends this weekend to come pick them up (tho has not taken advantage of the full time allocated by court order, so has been 3 hours today when could have been six).

he is "organizing the girls' room" in his flat.

is all good...there is nothing I would like more than to be able to happily send them off to spend time with him.

but...I feel uneasy...

the "ups" have always been followed by "downs" before.

and he is still sending text messages accusing me of being "abusive"(by having left him) and messages insisting that Ix's alopecia must be due to the stress of living in a "broken family".

and messages saying "i want to see my children every day" - which isn't going to happen and doesn't reflect the actual situation...or indeed what the children may want.

and we have not yet sorted out financial matters...

I hear in my head: "tread carefully...for you know not what lies beneath the surface..."

in past years, looking back - he has - often in the early part of a new year - been active, focused, achieving, organized - sometimes has pushed for something specific when I may have dropped it.

Sometimes, to good effect, but sometimes has run away with an idea which has been unfeasible or impractical, or has assumed that other people would automatically fall in with plans for them - without asking them).... but the fall inevitably comes. or the reality of what he has been striving for just cannot happen (eg 2006 - was focused on searching for a property to buy, but ran away with property way above our budget or grandiose plans to rebuild one, when a minor restructuring would have sufficed and been within budget...fortunately, that purchase fell through.)

i need to (continue to) protect myself - and the children.

stick to the rules (eg court order for contact arrangements).
don't relax the boundaries.

and while G is happy - after all, she wants a loving, happy, daddy - L is still wary: "he needs to show he has improved a lot before i can trust him".

wise words from a nearly 10 year old. she has again brought up the promises he has made and the list of things/pets he promised her but which have never materialised.

And I was proud of her yesterday for expressing her view strongly - they were with him and his friend, it was 6 pm, they were to come home; he sent message saying "are you happy for them to stay with me and I will bring them back later?". for me, it would be up to them...the other carer had said he was putting pressure on them to stay the other day....I called his home phone, asked to speak to L. said "do you want to stay a bit longer just with him - and he brings you home - or come home now, with X?". She said clearly: "come home now".

he did respect that.

hard to understand....

how someone can state before a district judge that they will do anything to see their children...then refuse to see them in an agreed contact centre.

apparently on the grounds he "does not like it". I have seen a pleasant environment - controlled, yes, and secure, but once inside a bright, friendly room with toys, books, etc.

hard to understand why someone told in court to stick to 8.00 pm for indirect contact on a Wednesday evening - can turn up at 0800 a.m. hours on a Monday, and, when reminded, on the Wednesday comes at 9.36 pm!

hard to understand how someone who has apparently accepted the need for contact centre, supervised contact, in front of a district judge - recognising they have had mental illness (after all, he persuaded his own GP to call me to tell me how very ill and depressed he was...), have had anger problems, have been violent - then sends a text message to his children on a Saturday suggesting they meet him in the park...and that we can "all go in the big car together"...

hard to understand why someone who now says they cannot afford to pay half the costs of the contact centre - as agreed in court - buys a £180 i-pod for his child and sends a text message saying "have now bought an i-pod docking station".

hard to understand how - after being reminded indirect contact is 8 pm on a Wednesday - sends a text message on Saturday saying "can I pick up the i-pod later today to test the docking station".

maybe is just being trying.

idea of supervised contact is to assess and for them to give feedback and recommendation on whether to progress to unsupervised contact or not....but if you don't go for the first bit you don't get the second...

but amusing(?), however, to learn that he has bumped into oldest child while out with his (the child's) carer...carer reports that he speaks to the child and refers to "your crazy mother..."


hey ho....