"don't you understand?"

"that I am on anti-depressants "

which is apparently a good reason for making contact at 6.20 pm for a 6 pm mid-week contact session with your own children, and justification as to why you cannot have your own children in your own flat and provide them with simple food cooked on your own cooker?

G wants to buy her dad an Xmas present. i say of course, what should we get? she says: a computer. I say, too expensive but mabe a computer accessory..

L says: we should buy him "cooking for dummies".

"don't you understand?"..."that you and our children are my entire life?"

ok, first the "you". I began telling him by email/text (he was in Spain) at end of 2007 it was "over"...in person from end Dec 2007 thu Jan, Feb, March 2008...in front of witnesses eg family therapists (they thought i wasn't clear enough) etc..I physically moved out of the joint home in April 2008 with the kids...

refer here to Lundy Bancroft - risk of someone who has been abusive harming their children on contacts: risk factor j: "Refusal to accept the end of the relationship"

second - the children.
see inability to provide for them/turn up on time for contact above.

He did not turn up for last court hearing so judge was happy to make a final order in his absence - of residence in my favour, plus less contact - she felt he would handle it better - going for the standard once mid-week after school evening plus alternate weekends - supervised "by an appropriate adult".

midweeks Ix's after school carer is in place. (but really he has to make contact before the allocated time to confirm...if not we just start making their dinner at home and he misses the chance...)

weekends he has to find someone, except Sat morning when Ix has carer in place.

Saturday we were all going to Ix's school fair with Ix's carer so he didnt need to find anyone in order to see the girls and Ix. I figured i could loiter at a distance while he communicated with his children...

Ix and carer arrived early - but no news despite the fact she called and texted him. Ix disappointed, had been expecting to see him. We turn up later - still no sign.

never mind! we win prizes on the tombola, chat with some parents, eat mince pies and guess the wieght of the cake and where the treausre is hidden....

sunday his day from 11.00 am...we hear nothing.

get on with life, cake making, cake decorating....

i put plastic crate in shed and tidy up, pondering by midday how to word email to his neighbour on monday in a kind of "can you just let me know if he is alive nothing more" kind of way...phone rings 1.20 p.m. (must get calller display)

me: oh it's dad do you want to talk to him?

kids: no not really...

Ex: can i talk to you please?

me: what?

Ex: can I come round to yours? just spend some time...

me: no, you cannot. you have your own place.

Ex: but I am not capable I cannot cope...

me: you know the deal. you need to organize yourself.

Ex: but I...

me: sorry have to go, bye.

later more text messages - dont you understand... imagine not being supported by the ones you love when you at your worst...if things were wrong you should have told me... bla bla bla..

the only response is: www.drw.org.uk - heck, it might even help him!