birthday weekend...

Happy Birthday teenager!

birthday on friday...dinner at Nandos with the after-school girls, people who love and care for Ix....a present, a digital camera designed to be dropped and taken out and about...

( his dad made no contact til 8.30 P.M - saying "sorri I didnt get the text msgs" - the one the evening before telling him Ix was off school and around in the morning and lunchtime to meet, the one on friday morning from P saying do you want to meet....i move from the "no response" zone and say: you have no excuse. he admits "i did read the message but i am not well.."

saturday - Ix out with E, no word from dad til 11.00 but they do they meet dad in the cafe which Ix does not usually go to on saturdays - at dad's insistence...myself and girls walk past this cafe on way back from buying halloween gear - they see us and Ix get stressed, later E calls me -they've gone off, left the food here ! they come back later...E and Ix go to bookshop, dad too, says he has present for his son but does not go and get it???? hard to comprehend...not even this can motivate him to get over his intention to be "ill" and "unable to cope"?

later, myself, girls and Ix go visit friends, it was A's birthday too on thurs, we have cakes and candles. Ix smiles and enjoys our singing this time. enjoying his new Horrid Henry DVDs...

Sunday - just me and the kids, N fails to make any contact, he has not arranged any one to come with him to see his son... a walk to the community cafe - Ix's saturday cafe - for the usual - fish fingers with chips and salad - just the cucumber and tomato please... i watch the waitress serve a vision-impaired man, an elderly gentleman, who does not talk...she is attentive... he writes laboriously on a paper his order, then - hand over hand, here is the food, here is the fork...clearly a regular like Ix... this is why Ix comes here on a saturday, they are so accomodating. food is cheap and fresh, is vastly different from the posh deli-cafe a short walk away.

then we walk on down to regent's park.



clown of eastern european origin and little English is slightly flummoxed at Ix's desire to tell him about the time when the nurse took blood at the hospital

but the police man is spot on - he starts with a "hello what's going on here" jovially seeing Ix feel his car, then immediately twigs that Ix is different - but talks to him directly and lets him sit in the car.



no one complains it's been a great outing on a lovely autumn day






relaxed, happy - we/I have come a long way since this time last year.

later, aunt visits with more cake and candles.

"dad is sick" - oh well. it is his responsibility to get the help he needs....later i text him about financial issues, there is 4,000 needed for managing agents of joint-owned flats...and get back "i cannot cope with this". "can you help me?" "i was fine when we were together" "i am sorry i was violent in 2007 and 2008 - but i wasn't before that was I?" ...but in some ways this needy, whiny, justifying, you-could-save-me phase is easier than the bullying, aggressive phase... now that i feel immune...as somebody once said: "the opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference"...tho I do feel angry on behalf of the kids.