so EX came to doorstep with papers i needed to sign (still not sorted out financial separation, seeing barrister soon).
some bla bla about money we jointly liable for, needs to be paid end February - well i don't have the money, i am not paying that, . well neither am i... stalemate...
then - "it is so humiliating standing on the door step.."
well, last time you came in my house you smashed up my door with your fist...
"you know i really regret that, it should not have happened and it won't happen again..."
except - he didn't say that.
he said:
"well, I smashed my fist through your door because on that day you said to me that (bla bla bla).."
it isn't important what i had said - nothing can justify a violent reaction.
and nothing justifies continuing to believe in his entitlement to act aggressively 18 months later...
i said I am not going to discuss any more, goodbye.
he put his foot in the door so i could not shut it... "you are so abusive" he said.
I said, goodbye...he left.
today: message to the children:
"why dont you come to the cafe after school to see me. mummy can come too and have hot soup".
some game is being played....
this is the post-depressive phase...and it is scary.
Showing posts with label separation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label separation. Show all posts
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Sunday, 17 January 2010
the up phase of "depression"
Ex appears to be in an "up" phase. calmer...kids have noticed: "i think he is improved" says G.
they saying they happy to go to his place unaccompanied, in fact they have stayed for 40 minutes/an hour with him alone - tho only after carer has taken them to him and satistfied they happy and playing; and has been to pick them up afterwards and bring them home at the appointed time. they have not wanted to stay beyond that time, despite him asking them to do so.
he has cooked dinner for them several times.
he has organized with his friends this weekend to come pick them up (tho has not taken advantage of the full time allocated by court order, so has been 3 hours today when could have been six).
he is "organizing the girls' room" in his flat.
is all good...there is nothing I would like more than to be able to happily send them off to spend time with him.
but...I feel uneasy...
the "ups" have always been followed by "downs" before.
and he is still sending text messages accusing me of being "abusive"(by having left him) and messages insisting that Ix's alopecia must be due to the stress of living in a "broken family".
and messages saying "i want to see my children every day" - which isn't going to happen and doesn't reflect the actual situation...or indeed what the children may want.
and we have not yet sorted out financial matters...
I hear in my head: "tread carefully...for you know not what lies beneath the surface..."
in past years, looking back - he has - often in the early part of a new year - been active, focused, achieving, organized - sometimes has pushed for something specific when I may have dropped it.
Sometimes, to good effect, but sometimes has run away with an idea which has been unfeasible or impractical, or has assumed that other people would automatically fall in with plans for them - without asking them).... but the fall inevitably comes. or the reality of what he has been striving for just cannot happen (eg 2006 - was focused on searching for a property to buy, but ran away with property way above our budget or grandiose plans to rebuild one, when a minor restructuring would have sufficed and been within budget...fortunately, that purchase fell through.)
i need to (continue to) protect myself - and the children.
stick to the rules (eg court order for contact arrangements).
don't relax the boundaries.
and while G is happy - after all, she wants a loving, happy, daddy - L is still wary: "he needs to show he has improved a lot before i can trust him".
wise words from a nearly 10 year old. she has again brought up the promises he has made and the list of things/pets he promised her but which have never materialised.
And I was proud of her yesterday for expressing her view strongly - they were with him and his friend, it was 6 pm, they were to come home; he sent message saying "are you happy for them to stay with me and I will bring them back later?". for me, it would be up to them...the other carer had said he was putting pressure on them to stay the other day....I called his home phone, asked to speak to L. said "do you want to stay a bit longer just with him - and he brings you home - or come home now, with X?". She said clearly: "come home now".
he did respect that.
they saying they happy to go to his place unaccompanied, in fact they have stayed for 40 minutes/an hour with him alone - tho only after carer has taken them to him and satistfied they happy and playing; and has been to pick them up afterwards and bring them home at the appointed time. they have not wanted to stay beyond that time, despite him asking them to do so.
he has cooked dinner for them several times.
he has organized with his friends this weekend to come pick them up (tho has not taken advantage of the full time allocated by court order, so has been 3 hours today when could have been six).
he is "organizing the girls' room" in his flat.
is all good...there is nothing I would like more than to be able to happily send them off to spend time with him.
but...I feel uneasy...
the "ups" have always been followed by "downs" before.
and he is still sending text messages accusing me of being "abusive"(by having left him) and messages insisting that Ix's alopecia must be due to the stress of living in a "broken family".
and messages saying "i want to see my children every day" - which isn't going to happen and doesn't reflect the actual situation...or indeed what the children may want.
and we have not yet sorted out financial matters...
I hear in my head: "tread carefully...for you know not what lies beneath the surface..."
in past years, looking back - he has - often in the early part of a new year - been active, focused, achieving, organized - sometimes has pushed for something specific when I may have dropped it.
Sometimes, to good effect, but sometimes has run away with an idea which has been unfeasible or impractical, or has assumed that other people would automatically fall in with plans for them - without asking them).... but the fall inevitably comes. or the reality of what he has been striving for just cannot happen (eg 2006 - was focused on searching for a property to buy, but ran away with property way above our budget or grandiose plans to rebuild one, when a minor restructuring would have sufficed and been within budget...fortunately, that purchase fell through.)
i need to (continue to) protect myself - and the children.
stick to the rules (eg court order for contact arrangements).
don't relax the boundaries.
and while G is happy - after all, she wants a loving, happy, daddy - L is still wary: "he needs to show he has improved a lot before i can trust him".
wise words from a nearly 10 year old. she has again brought up the promises he has made and the list of things/pets he promised her but which have never materialised.
And I was proud of her yesterday for expressing her view strongly - they were with him and his friend, it was 6 pm, they were to come home; he sent message saying "are you happy for them to stay with me and I will bring them back later?". for me, it would be up to them...the other carer had said he was putting pressure on them to stay the other day....I called his home phone, asked to speak to L. said "do you want to stay a bit longer just with him - and he brings you home - or come home now, with X?". She said clearly: "come home now".
he did respect that.
Sunday, 6 December 2009
"don't you understand?"
"that I am on anti-depressants "
which is apparently a good reason for making contact at 6.20 pm for a 6 pm mid-week contact session with your own children, and justification as to why you cannot have your own children in your own flat and provide them with simple food cooked on your own cooker?
G wants to buy her dad an Xmas present. i say of course, what should we get? she says: a computer. I say, too expensive but mabe a computer accessory..
L says: we should buy him "cooking for dummies".
"don't you understand?"..."that you and our children are my entire life?"
ok, first the "you". I began telling him by email/text (he was in Spain) at end of 2007 it was "over"...in person from end Dec 2007 thu Jan, Feb, March 2008...in front of witnesses eg family therapists (they thought i wasn't clear enough) etc..I physically moved out of the joint home in April 2008 with the kids...
refer here to Lundy Bancroft - risk of someone who has been abusive harming their children on contacts: risk factor j: "Refusal to accept the end of the relationship"
second - the children.
see inability to provide for them/turn up on time for contact above.
He did not turn up for last court hearing so judge was happy to make a final order in his absence - of residence in my favour, plus less contact - she felt he would handle it better - going for the standard once mid-week after school evening plus alternate weekends - supervised "by an appropriate adult".
midweeks Ix's after school carer is in place. (but really he has to make contact before the allocated time to confirm...if not we just start making their dinner at home and he misses the chance...)
weekends he has to find someone, except Sat morning when Ix has carer in place.
Saturday we were all going to Ix's school fair with Ix's carer so he didnt need to find anyone in order to see the girls and Ix. I figured i could loiter at a distance while he communicated with his children...
Ix and carer arrived early - but no news despite the fact she called and texted him. Ix disappointed, had been expecting to see him. We turn up later - still no sign.
never mind! we win prizes on the tombola, chat with some parents, eat mince pies and guess the wieght of the cake and where the treausre is hidden....
sunday his day from 11.00 am...we hear nothing.
get on with life, cake making, cake decorating....
i put plastic crate in shed and tidy up, pondering by midday how to word email to his neighbour on monday in a kind of "can you just let me know if he is alive nothing more" kind of way...phone rings 1.20 p.m. (must get calller display)
me: oh it's dad do you want to talk to him?
kids: no not really...
Ex: can i talk to you please?
me: what?
Ex: can I come round to yours? just spend some time...
me: no, you cannot. you have your own place.
Ex: but I am not capable I cannot cope...
me: you know the deal. you need to organize yourself.
Ex: but I...
me: sorry have to go, bye.
later more text messages - dont you understand... imagine not being supported by the ones you love when you at your worst...if things were wrong you should have told me... bla bla bla..
the only response is: www.drw.org.uk - heck, it might even help him!
which is apparently a good reason for making contact at 6.20 pm for a 6 pm mid-week contact session with your own children, and justification as to why you cannot have your own children in your own flat and provide them with simple food cooked on your own cooker?
G wants to buy her dad an Xmas present. i say of course, what should we get? she says: a computer. I say, too expensive but mabe a computer accessory..
L says: we should buy him "cooking for dummies".
"don't you understand?"..."that you and our children are my entire life?"
ok, first the "you". I began telling him by email/text (he was in Spain) at end of 2007 it was "over"...in person from end Dec 2007 thu Jan, Feb, March 2008...in front of witnesses eg family therapists (they thought i wasn't clear enough) etc..I physically moved out of the joint home in April 2008 with the kids...
refer here to Lundy Bancroft - risk of someone who has been abusive harming their children on contacts: risk factor j: "Refusal to accept the end of the relationship"
second - the children.
see inability to provide for them/turn up on time for contact above.
He did not turn up for last court hearing so judge was happy to make a final order in his absence - of residence in my favour, plus less contact - she felt he would handle it better - going for the standard once mid-week after school evening plus alternate weekends - supervised "by an appropriate adult".
midweeks Ix's after school carer is in place. (but really he has to make contact before the allocated time to confirm...if not we just start making their dinner at home and he misses the chance...)
weekends he has to find someone, except Sat morning when Ix has carer in place.
Saturday we were all going to Ix's school fair with Ix's carer so he didnt need to find anyone in order to see the girls and Ix. I figured i could loiter at a distance while he communicated with his children...
Ix and carer arrived early - but no news despite the fact she called and texted him. Ix disappointed, had been expecting to see him. We turn up later - still no sign.
never mind! we win prizes on the tombola, chat with some parents, eat mince pies and guess the wieght of the cake and where the treausre is hidden....
sunday his day from 11.00 am...we hear nothing.
get on with life, cake making, cake decorating....
i put plastic crate in shed and tidy up, pondering by midday how to word email to his neighbour on monday in a kind of "can you just let me know if he is alive nothing more" kind of way...phone rings 1.20 p.m. (must get calller display)
me: oh it's dad do you want to talk to him?
kids: no not really...
Ex: can i talk to you please?
me: what?
Ex: can I come round to yours? just spend some time...
me: no, you cannot. you have your own place.
Ex: but I am not capable I cannot cope...
me: you know the deal. you need to organize yourself.
Ex: but I...
me: sorry have to go, bye.
later more text messages - dont you understand... imagine not being supported by the ones you love when you at your worst...if things were wrong you should have told me... bla bla bla..
the only response is: www.drw.org.uk - heck, it might even help him!
Sunday, 15 November 2009
did do/didn't do
weekend. Ix at respite. so things to do....girls should be with their dad for several hours Sat/Sun... tidying, take stuff to charity shop (Ix is growing growing), call laptop helpline to fix it, buy blade to shave off bottom of front door as it sticks and requires large shove to close (DIY before calling landlady). rake leaves if not raining (build in some exercise). read a book. relax....
so Friday - girls being picked up by friend. go home, pick up Ix, drive to respite, go to meet friends and we all go their local Chinese. no need to rush back for Ix's carer...or take along DVD player/entertainment. respite is just that.
home.
message from their dad - but not about arrangements for tomorrow. he is "sorry for everything i have said or done you can forgive and love".
i have had bank statement for the still-joint account in post so the only thing i can think of to say back is that "the bank account is still £2,000 overdrawn..."
so saturday dawns with a well-you-should-be-seeing-your-dad-but-if-he-does-not-get-in-touch-never-mind...
he does not.
we do music class then dash thru rain to Next for coat for G and Borders book shop to spend book tokens from Aunt E given at beginning of term, Starbucks and home.
out to cinema to see Up. film breaks down in middle - tho restarts - but we get free tickets for next time.
home, X factor...good sleep til 10. ah bliss.
rain has stopped. rake leaves. tick.
off to pick up Ix, via Aldenham park; Ix is happy, we go to Shenley Park tea room and walk. nice autumn day again after yesterday's rain. people are overwhelmingly nice today, bringing their dog for him to stroke etc. actually, mostly people ARE nice.
home, cooking, put washing on, X factor results.
forgot about door - no trip out to Robert Dyas, no new blade....hang on, I remember the sooper-dooper cut everything knife - the man in House of Fraser demo: cutting tomatoes, melons, sawing metal.... that is why I bought it...so I lay on floor shaving off bits of door til it shuts smoothly. Ha. job done. tick.
so - wasn't quite as planned but we had nice weekend, doing things together with girls.
still, is frustrating.
it should not be you might be/you might not be seeing him...
ExP has declined to attend facilitated family meeting, on grounds there is "no point" - it will reiterate that "I" am "winning - "your way: no father no family".
stuck...he is their father.
we cannot be together, it is over.
but he can see his kids, show them he is trustworthy, regain confidence....up to him...
L in conversation with friend:
Friend: "my dad is going to Dubai for 10 weeks and I won't see him!"
L:"well I don't even live with my dad"
so, who won that round?
so Friday - girls being picked up by friend. go home, pick up Ix, drive to respite, go to meet friends and we all go their local Chinese. no need to rush back for Ix's carer...or take along DVD player/entertainment. respite is just that.
home.
message from their dad - but not about arrangements for tomorrow. he is "sorry for everything i have said or done you can forgive and love".
i have had bank statement for the still-joint account in post so the only thing i can think of to say back is that "the bank account is still £2,000 overdrawn..."
so saturday dawns with a well-you-should-be-seeing-your-dad-but-if-he-does-not-get-in-touch-never-mind...
he does not.
we do music class then dash thru rain to Next for coat for G and Borders book shop to spend book tokens from Aunt E given at beginning of term, Starbucks and home.
out to cinema to see Up. film breaks down in middle - tho restarts - but we get free tickets for next time.
home, X factor...good sleep til 10. ah bliss.
rain has stopped. rake leaves. tick.
off to pick up Ix, via Aldenham park; Ix is happy, we go to Shenley Park tea room and walk. nice autumn day again after yesterday's rain. people are overwhelmingly nice today, bringing their dog for him to stroke etc. actually, mostly people ARE nice.
home, cooking, put washing on, X factor results.
forgot about door - no trip out to Robert Dyas, no new blade....hang on, I remember the sooper-dooper cut everything knife - the man in House of Fraser demo: cutting tomatoes, melons, sawing metal.... that is why I bought it...so I lay on floor shaving off bits of door til it shuts smoothly. Ha. job done. tick.
so - wasn't quite as planned but we had nice weekend, doing things together with girls.
still, is frustrating.
it should not be you might be/you might not be seeing him...
ExP has declined to attend facilitated family meeting, on grounds there is "no point" - it will reiterate that "I" am "winning - "your way: no father no family".
stuck...he is their father.
we cannot be together, it is over.
but he can see his kids, show them he is trustworthy, regain confidence....up to him...
L in conversation with friend:
Friend: "my dad is going to Dubai for 10 weeks and I won't see him!"
L:"well I don't even live with my dad"
so, who won that round?
Sunday, 27 September 2009
still here...
blogs in my head, no time - or rather exhaustion.
sent Ix off today with his dad and the friend who is supervising but exP looked very ill...he has been sending extreme text msgs, about "being all together again" which is just not reality...i hope the friend stays with and tells him to get help...
but at least today we girls can go shopping :)
contact with their dad been very mixed and mostly has resulted in tension all round due to changes in pick up times from his end, need to change to an alternate weekend schedule so we not dependent every weekend as at present.
finance - joint account heavily overdrawn due to exP's spending on refurbishing joint owned flat(s). now he says he has no money to eat... only option now is to sell both flats a.s.a.p and each take share of whatever equity...in meantime demands of £2000 per flat by December for sinking fund/refurbishment fund...
schools good but girls school closed for four days due to roof collapsing! sudden need for childcare aargh made arrangements with other parents and friend's friend's au pair's friend...
hopefully now back to normal. last week was school but no after school club - shows how much L needs that structured time to get homework done without distractions of little sister, TV and other goings on...
work busy, but achieved good media event and feel positive...
sent Ix off today with his dad and the friend who is supervising but exP looked very ill...he has been sending extreme text msgs, about "being all together again" which is just not reality...i hope the friend stays with and tells him to get help...
but at least today we girls can go shopping :)
contact with their dad been very mixed and mostly has resulted in tension all round due to changes in pick up times from his end, need to change to an alternate weekend schedule so we not dependent every weekend as at present.
finance - joint account heavily overdrawn due to exP's spending on refurbishing joint owned flat(s). now he says he has no money to eat... only option now is to sell both flats a.s.a.p and each take share of whatever equity...in meantime demands of £2000 per flat by December for sinking fund/refurbishment fund...
schools good but girls school closed for four days due to roof collapsing! sudden need for childcare aargh made arrangements with other parents and friend's friend's au pair's friend...
hopefully now back to normal. last week was school but no after school club - shows how much L needs that structured time to get homework done without distractions of little sister, TV and other goings on...
work busy, but achieved good media event and feel positive...
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
how to kill a grandad?
monday. court hearing .
"i want to see my children every day"
"my dad, he is 82, he has parkinsons, he hasnt seen his grandchildren for two years"
thursday.
girls with M. M calls - N says he wants girls to go to his flat to call grandad it is his birthday.
ok, if they want to.
L says no she is busy, they at the museum, they dont want to leave. she will see him tomorrow, as agreed.
I tell M - tell N - I am happy to call his dad tonight with the girls. we can wish him happy birthday.
M says: N says No! "it will kill him" "don't you understand, he doesnt know that she has taken away my kids..."
a month previously - my dad calls me (74 year old, had a stroke)
- N has called he wants to know why you wont let him see the children....
it isn't quite true - they are seeing him. long story.
but is it age? over 80 you might kill someone with a phone call telling the truth?
if you can't tell your own family the truth - do you ever believe it yourself?
"i want to see my children every day"
"my dad, he is 82, he has parkinsons, he hasnt seen his grandchildren for two years"
thursday.
girls with M. M calls - N says he wants girls to go to his flat to call grandad it is his birthday.
ok, if they want to.
L says no she is busy, they at the museum, they dont want to leave. she will see him tomorrow, as agreed.
I tell M - tell N - I am happy to call his dad tonight with the girls. we can wish him happy birthday.
M says: N says No! "it will kill him" "don't you understand, he doesnt know that she has taken away my kids..."
a month previously - my dad calls me (74 year old, had a stroke)
- N has called he wants to know why you wont let him see the children....
it isn't quite true - they are seeing him. long story.
but is it age? over 80 you might kill someone with a phone call telling the truth?
if you can't tell your own family the truth - do you ever believe it yourself?
Sunday, 22 March 2009
"all you need is love"
your ex-partner (who you do not speak to and avoid communication with as far as possible, and who has indirect and supervised contact with his children ordered by a court due to his past behaviour), sends, via someone else, some gifts for mother's day.
they include: a frame with a series of pictures of the children, from before two years ago (i.e. before all the events which led to final separation), including two of the children with himself.
plus a book called "wedding season" - "all you need is love...". inside is a bookmark - a postcard on "couples counselling" run by the Alpha group. "how to build a long and lasting relationship."
is this:
a) sweet
b) scary
c) amounts to stalking
answers on a postcard please.
they include: a frame with a series of pictures of the children, from before two years ago (i.e. before all the events which led to final separation), including two of the children with himself.
plus a book called "wedding season" - "all you need is love...". inside is a bookmark - a postcard on "couples counselling" run by the Alpha group. "how to build a long and lasting relationship."
is this:
a) sweet
b) scary
c) amounts to stalking
answers on a postcard please.
Sunday, 8 February 2009
hard to understand....
how someone can state before a district judge that they will do anything to see their children...then refuse to see them in an agreed contact centre.
apparently on the grounds he "does not like it". I have seen a pleasant environment - controlled, yes, and secure, but once inside a bright, friendly room with toys, books, etc.
hard to understand why someone told in court to stick to 8.00 pm for indirect contact on a Wednesday evening - can turn up at 0800 a.m. hours on a Monday, and, when reminded, on the Wednesday comes at 9.36 pm!
hard to understand how someone who has apparently accepted the need for contact centre, supervised contact, in front of a district judge - recognising they have had mental illness (after all, he persuaded his own GP to call me to tell me how very ill and depressed he was...), have had anger problems, have been violent - then sends a text message to his children on a Saturday suggesting they meet him in the park...and that we can "all go in the big car together"...
hard to understand why someone who now says they cannot afford to pay half the costs of the contact centre - as agreed in court - buys a £180 i-pod for his child and sends a text message saying "have now bought an i-pod docking station".
hard to understand how - after being reminded indirect contact is 8 pm on a Wednesday - sends a text message on Saturday saying "can I pick up the i-pod later today to test the docking station".
maybe is just being trying.
idea of supervised contact is to assess and for them to give feedback and recommendation on whether to progress to unsupervised contact or not....but if you don't go for the first bit you don't get the second...
but amusing(?), however, to learn that he has bumped into oldest child while out with his (the child's) carer...carer reports that he speaks to the child and refers to "your crazy mother..."
hey ho....
apparently on the grounds he "does not like it". I have seen a pleasant environment - controlled, yes, and secure, but once inside a bright, friendly room with toys, books, etc.
hard to understand why someone told in court to stick to 8.00 pm for indirect contact on a Wednesday evening - can turn up at 0800 a.m. hours on a Monday, and, when reminded, on the Wednesday comes at 9.36 pm!
hard to understand how someone who has apparently accepted the need for contact centre, supervised contact, in front of a district judge - recognising they have had mental illness (after all, he persuaded his own GP to call me to tell me how very ill and depressed he was...), have had anger problems, have been violent - then sends a text message to his children on a Saturday suggesting they meet him in the park...and that we can "all go in the big car together"...
hard to understand why someone who now says they cannot afford to pay half the costs of the contact centre - as agreed in court - buys a £180 i-pod for his child and sends a text message saying "have now bought an i-pod docking station".
hard to understand how - after being reminded indirect contact is 8 pm on a Wednesday - sends a text message on Saturday saying "can I pick up the i-pod later today to test the docking station".
maybe is just being trying.
idea of supervised contact is to assess and for them to give feedback and recommendation on whether to progress to unsupervised contact or not....but if you don't go for the first bit you don't get the second...
but amusing(?), however, to learn that he has bumped into oldest child while out with his (the child's) carer...carer reports that he speaks to the child and refers to "your crazy mother..."
hey ho....
Monday, 26 January 2009
The child’s view of separation
Six year old daughter: “I wish daddy wasn’t distressed [depressed]. I don’t like living here. I want to live in the old flat. We can watch Boomerang [satellite cartoon channel] on the tv there.”
Eight year old: “But that is just objects. It isn’t the most important thing…”
Me: “Well, you know you are going to see him at the contact centre. If that goes well, and he isn’t distressed, then maybe in the future you will get to spend time at his house.”
Six year old: “So, the contact centre, it’s going to be like a test in child caring?”
Eight year old: “Yes, an exam…”
Me: “Yes…if it goes well, and if you want to, then later on you will be able to spend time with him”
Six-year old: “Hmm, yes. He does need lessons.
When we used to go to his house, he used to go to sleep on the sofa.
I wanted to play hide and seek.
I tried pulling the duvet off him, but he wouldn’t play with me.
All we could do was watch Boomerang.”
Eight year old: “But will you come to the old flat? If you do, you will just start with him, chat, chat, chat….”
Me: “No, if you are going out with him, I will just say “hello” at the door and “bye, have a nice time”. No chat chat chat….”
Eight year old: “But that is just objects. It isn’t the most important thing…”
Me: “Well, you know you are going to see him at the contact centre. If that goes well, and he isn’t distressed, then maybe in the future you will get to spend time at his house.”
Six year old: “So, the contact centre, it’s going to be like a test in child caring?”
Eight year old: “Yes, an exam…”
Me: “Yes…if it goes well, and if you want to, then later on you will be able to spend time with him”
Six-year old: “Hmm, yes. He does need lessons.
When we used to go to his house, he used to go to sleep on the sofa.
I wanted to play hide and seek.
I tried pulling the duvet off him, but he wouldn’t play with me.
All we could do was watch Boomerang.”
Eight year old: “But will you come to the old flat? If you do, you will just start with him, chat, chat, chat….”
Me: “No, if you are going out with him, I will just say “hello” at the door and “bye, have a nice time”. No chat chat chat….”
Friday, 28 November 2008
gifts....
regular wednesday drop off (indirect contact) this week.
girls very happy to get - peppa pig's house and littlest pet shop house.
they had written to their father the week before to request these after he had delivered peppa pig figurines. well, i had urged them to write, but in the end they said theywere "too busy" so I said - look dictate to me, and then sign. which they did. I do not discourage contact but they are not overly keen on writing/drawing for him. not without a push. which I try to strike a balance between urging them to do so (when they know that I do not keep contact myself? perhaps is confusing.)
L age 8 said:
"mummy, if you had not sep-a-rat-ed then we would not now be getting these nice presents, would we?"
perceptive....
she always says the word sep-a-rat-ed like that. sep-a-rat-ed.
wondering if her young mind recalls the times he used to say (shout, stamp and scream) "the children got too many Christmas presents"? (they were not overly spoilt compared to friends). "there are too many toys in this house".
or the time a few years ago when he decided they had too many toys, just after Christmas, and scooped up half of them - without consulting which were old or new! - and took them off to local hospital.
who were indeed grateful...
I have constant clear outs for charity/other friends' children (especially the more special needs oriented toys), but still reel from returning home to find the expensive baby doll bought by the (favourite) nanny had been given away with no consultation.
girls very happy to get - peppa pig's house and littlest pet shop house.
they had written to their father the week before to request these after he had delivered peppa pig figurines. well, i had urged them to write, but in the end they said theywere "too busy" so I said - look dictate to me, and then sign. which they did. I do not discourage contact but they are not overly keen on writing/drawing for him. not without a push. which I try to strike a balance between urging them to do so (when they know that I do not keep contact myself? perhaps is confusing.)
L age 8 said:
"mummy, if you had not sep-a-rat-ed then we would not now be getting these nice presents, would we?"
perceptive....
she always says the word sep-a-rat-ed like that. sep-a-rat-ed.
wondering if her young mind recalls the times he used to say (shout, stamp and scream) "the children got too many Christmas presents"? (they were not overly spoilt compared to friends). "there are too many toys in this house".
or the time a few years ago when he decided they had too many toys, just after Christmas, and scooped up half of them - without consulting which were old or new! - and took them off to local hospital.
who were indeed grateful...
I have constant clear outs for charity/other friends' children (especially the more special needs oriented toys), but still reel from returning home to find the expensive baby doll bought by the (favourite) nanny had been given away with no consultation.
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